a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
