I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
