If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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