You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
