separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
