hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
