He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
