I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
