Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
