let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
