did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
