im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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