Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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