College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
