there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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