Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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