If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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