she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
