You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
