I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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