please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
