you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
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Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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