I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
