He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
