Umm I'm too high to move.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
