not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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