she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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