I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
