dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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