I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
