R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
