I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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