1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
