apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
