if you like me you must not know who I am
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
