im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
