Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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