Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize