just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
