so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish they made helmets for livers.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
