So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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