Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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