I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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