I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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