Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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