Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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