to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
