STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
