She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
