i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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