so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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