you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I love you. Go after that dick
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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