Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
