the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
