After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
