I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
