its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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