so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
