God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
