i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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