dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This is my gift to your gina
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize