Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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