plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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