just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
No more Irish car bombs ever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
