he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
