dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
