living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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