No stitches, just platelets and will power
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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