I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
