i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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